Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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