she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
