I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
