So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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