I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
