I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
