Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
