Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
