me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
