Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
