she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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