After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
