More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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