Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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