just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
