Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
