friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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