I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
