So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
