My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
