I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
