she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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