mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
