this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
