Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again