The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
