loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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