I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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