I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
