Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
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I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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