did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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