I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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