The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize