So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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