You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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