It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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