alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
