I just saw a hot homeless man
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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