escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want nice things and good sex
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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