I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need to stop coming to work sober
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
