just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
