Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
