i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
