Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
