Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
