so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
