my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
