AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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