So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And then he peed in my hair
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