why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize