I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
