Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
