i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
