It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
