we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
