I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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