soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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