I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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