I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
