I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
