Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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