you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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