two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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