I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
