i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
