Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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