i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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