These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
