I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
