Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
