Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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