everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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