talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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