Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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