u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
