I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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