They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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