are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize