Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
