she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
