Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
