i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
