Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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