and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
