Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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