So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
