there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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