Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
